I miss having one cupboard with all my clothes in it, I miss having all my books in one place, I miss not having to jet each Christmas and Easter back to where my parents live. But things are just things, worst is missing the people.
In my life skype is more important than the mobile phone. But it's hard to keep up on everything through skype. It makes me feel like I am always the audience, never part of anything, as if the real life was passing me by. People fall in and out of love, graduate, get engaged, pregnant, celebrate b-days, get sick and healthy again, and I am never part of it.
So what keeps me going? Ambitions and restlessness. But I think I'm getting old (lol), I find it harder and harder to let go of the ties. The life of a nomad is no easy life. People may think that there is a lot to envy, but truth to be told, being a nomad feels like standing outside on a rainy day, watching the cozy lights behind the glass windows.
I think I got to the point where I am no longer willing to sacrifice my personal life (because that's how it ultimately feels like) in order to satisfy crazy ambitions. Likewise, I am not yet ready to trade a childhood dream for the pursuit of a home. The latter possibility feels like trading a bird in the hand for the two in the bush. It's like relying on dubious luck and I was never big on taking chances.
Right now I want everything. EVERYTHING!! I am not willing on giving up anything, neither my friends, my family, the handsome guy who is waiting somewhere, a cupboard with all my clothes and all my books, nor the travels, the thrill of living in new places, my ambitions, a degree at the most awesome university.
What to do? What to do? Think, think, think...
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